Homeless Billionaire

My overall strategy before seeing any movie is to clear my mind of all judgment and just watch what I see on the screen for those two hours or so and judge it based on just what is there and nothing else. But after reading the synopsis for The Homeless Billionaire I couldn’t help but think about 1991’s Life Stinks (directed, co-written by and starring Mel Brooks), which has the exact same premise.  Brooks’ arrogant millionaire character makes a bet that he can survive the streets of L.A. on his alleged “street smarts,” without any money for 30 days.  I thought it couldn’t be done any better than it already has been, but I decided to give the Homeless Billionaire a chance.

Let’s just cut to the chase because I feel like I’ve already wasted enough of my life on this Billionaire movie. It looked like it was shot in the 90’s, put in a can, dusted off the day before yesterday and somebody released it.  When I say it was terrible, it was terrible.  The casting, the acting, the writing, the editing, the “cinematography” – and I use the term loosely – was terrible, the cover art (see above) was terrible, and the editing of this movie was horrendous.

It was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen, including M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs (2002) starring Mel Gibson, Will Smith’s Wild, Wild West (1999) and Terrence and Taraji’s Hustle & Flow (2005). Nicholas Cage’s Drive Angry (2011) was at least so bad it was hilarious (even though it was billed as an action fantasy thriller), making it funnier than Homeless Billionaire.  I would have walked out on each of these movies had I seen any one of them alone.  I was by myself for Homeless Billionaire, and wanted to walk out less than 20 minutes in but decided to give it a chance.  I lasted one hour and I was done.  I wasn’t the only one who thought it stunk or walked out.  Quite a few people made early exits.  Two ladies who walked out moments before I did said they were looking on their phones because they thought this movie was supposed to be a comedy and they had the wrong movie.

The lead actor, Victor Alfieri – I will never forget the name – didn’t land one joke, and “acted” as though this was his very first movie role ever. I wouldn’t know how many movie credits the guy has because the movie isn’t listed on IMDB at all, and I can’t make myself care enough to spend any more time on this, really.  The movie is said to be in “limited release”.  The release needs to be even more limited than it already is – as in not at all.

The story had plenty of opportunity to “be” funny, it just wasn’t. Not walking out after my first inclination to do so was my mistake and I have no one to blame but myself for whatever followed.  But you do not have to suffer like I did.  If you go to see this movie, you will want your money back.  Run and save yourself.  Don’t be duped like me.  The fact that I still do not have a rating system is of no consequence because I wouldn’t give it a bloop if someone paid me.  Do not watch it on cable.  Do not watch it on Netflix.  Do not watch it on TV.  If someone offers to pay you to see it, do not go!  You have been warned.  If you want to see a funny movie about a rich guy playing homeless – just watch Life Stinks.

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